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My 1st Healing Testimony delivered @ FRCC on 7/15/07

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:55:54 GMT

So yeah, this is follow-up of my last entry about healing. It took me a while to organize it. In the future, I will write more about healings and other lessons of God I am learning currently. I end up giving the testimony about this past sunday in front of 600 people Forerunner Church in Fremont, the chruch I have been visited the most ever since I move back to Bay area. I am still praying to see God wants me to settle down in that church... Giving testimony in front of such unfamilar group of people and in such large number are very challenge for me. For I know have done anything like this.. as well giving testimony in Chinese which I very seldom do (it took me 8hr to just to type up the script in Chinese)... But I know it's good... because it's what God wants me to do the moment I got healed.. but it's amazing I will be selected to give testimony among many other conference attendee...

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English Long Version:Testimony sharing on Sunday FRCC 7-15
Theme: God’s healing and grace
Prelude:

I have long for God to do something in my life… esp. at the end of my 2^nd 7^th year in the Lord. Yet, I feel I lose all my strength and motivation to go forward in my joblessness and spiritual dryness.

Having been out of job for almost a year… I have not often lost the persistence in believing God. Though God touches me from time to time in worship and sermon and devotion, but often time I feel I am abandon and in the place of hopelessness dead-end

So I come to Conference with very little expectation and preparation…. And yet God blessed me with availability in my joblessness, so it’s first time I come to FRCC summer conference full time and experience God in a brand new ways.

1^st healing: God’s grace is rich and abundant

At the 2^nd night (7/5) of the conference, while during free-worship, I was at the front. Even though I heard many testimonies about physical healings and I myself have asked for healings in any sorts of healing meetings, I never got any experience. Little do I expect healing will come from worship time, esp. when no one is minister to me.

As the worship leaders mentioned of God’s grace is abundant and we share in His rich abundance. During that time, I say to God, I am truly poor and needy (in the light of my joblessness and spiritual dryness). Also I ask God particularly to give me something so I can give to other, testify to other about Him and about I can be rich in Him. So that’s why I am sharing this here today. They then said God’s healing anointing was there and just laid your hands around your painful healing-needed areas… I did just that and I wished I had more hands at that time. because I had a lot places in my body that need healings… I have a 14 yrs+ headache since high school years. It’s 24/7 nonstop, as long as I wake up I can feel the constant pressure and pain on my forehead and temple areas.. Furthermore, I have bad joint problems. After I put my right hand on my forehead for few seconds, I tried to sense my forehead to see if the pain went away I realize my headache was not as painful as before… I wasn’t sure, so I try to sense the pain carefully thru out the worship to make sure it wasn’t just my imagination!!! Praise God

2^nd Healings: God’s bridegroom’s love

God’s healing didn’t just stop there amazingly. Two days later, on the special day of 7-7-7, I also receive another healing in the Conference’s afternoon’s healing session. I didn’t know what exactly to expect when I go in. Mostly mixture of excitement and fear for it’s a new ministry format and I never attend a healing session with hundreds of people.….. Originally, I didn’t want to go. Because of my natural human tendency disliking to crowded with people and spent a long time waiting in line for it, especially I tried to wait in line for getting the entrance ticket for a friend the day before and tickets ran out on me If it wasn’t for my friend, I wouldn’t want to wait in line for it. But I’m glad I did go.

The 1^st hour of the healing session was going thru the basic knowledge and promises about healing and proclaims promise of God to ourselves. Then we took the communion. I really enjoy that. And I always love to review Jesus’ love and accomplish for me by remembering Him in communion. Before any physical healings come, I was proclaiming the verses shown in the screen… “By His stripe, I am healed.” So I kept call out to God with His word... and then I became to cry and I started to pray that “I am your bride, your beloved… Wouldn’t you want to see me suffer in pain any more…? You will surely come for me and fight for my disease. And I am just completely pour out in tears ( I didn’t know when exactly healing coworker laid hand on me, but I know it’s from time to time…)And I felt heat and numbness in the back of head… so I cry even more thinking that’s God’s hand upon me…

Then, the leader on stage said there are people who have headache or joint pain in this section (the section I was in)... I know he was talking about me. And so I cried even more... because I know God was showing me that He always remember me and my sufferings.

Afterward, he continued saying for those who has joint pain, started move your neck… (I have many joint pains: fingers, waist, wrist, ankle and neck. I am easily got hurt in those areas and all the recovery is extra slow and never fully complete. So I am anxiously tried to find out if something new happened. I start to just move my neck in my simple faith, and immediately I felt my neck can move much freer than before and I can move my neck to place where I can’t turn after injury many years ago. (I am not saying I can turn 360 degree) Though if I can to do some medical treatment, I can temporary turn my neck to those areas, but it’s not like this healing, that my neck remains free until now.

Brief remarks:

This is first time in my life receive physical healing even I seek it for a while. God gives me healings twice in this first round of healing (I believe these are just the first round before many more healings to come and I will experience in the future...) I feel very special and I wonder why. I think may be the timing is right. May be I am desperate and having enough simple faith… Both healings took place in two occasions. One without other ministered to me, one with someone ministered me from time to time... One is regular worship time, and one in intensive healing session. God give me both types these times and show me He can do healings repetitively or successively, at wherever, at whenever.

Also there are two important messages that come with the healing experience. (I think it’s equally important to receive God’s message and God’s gift of healing during any healing experience) First one is about God’s grace is abundant. God wills and desires us to be rich in Him and to be a giver of His grace/blessing to other. Second one is about God’s grace and love is assuring. His bridegroom’s love for us is real and fierce. He will come and fight for us simply because He is in love with us.

Lessons:

Both healings is a sign of process. I know there are many different forms, level of healings. Both of my healings this time are still partial in physical condition. My pain in headache and neck are still around partially but the pain has decreased significantly. Though the problems/pain is not totally gone, but I know in faith I am already completely healed. I will be healed in reality if I can keep on believing Him and walk in His way. Yet my faith already increase from this experience but I know God still wants me to grow more thru the rest of the pain left in me. And I see it as Joshua’s lesson: God wants to teach me how to fight and deal with healings more in this process. He wouldn’t let me off the lesson/hook easily... God wants me to continue to proclaim this healings progress which He began in me in the conference.

Thanksgiving:

Now every moment, I know I truly live in His grace even in the physical health. In the past, it’s only a belief, a hope that I will receive any kind of healing. But it’s really awesome I can now say I really experience it and it’s good and even now I live in His healing grace each moment of my day. It’s even awesome to know that with rest of pain still left in me... I can both praise God for the pain that He took away and the pain that will be gone in the future. If God takes away all the pain 100%, I may be very easily forgetful about His healing grace on me. I know this is only a beginning of my healings I will receive and testify. Even now I can tell I have much more compassion and faith about other’s healing needs and I realize there is so much in people around us that needs healings both in soul and in body. O what a joy to know God took away my pain and His living grace is so real and so loving to me!!!

Covenant by Grace

Healing itself didn’t edify us or bring us close to God. But meeting the God who heals during a healing experience will make the difference. Even with all these healing experience I had in the conference, I shamefully realized again I had a lot unwillingness and struggle during the very last evening of the conference’s altar call’s time. During the dedication/altar call time, I didn’t want to go up at first. Nevertheless, I just followed the crowd to the front because part of me knows it’s the right doing to do. I also did as the pastor instruct that everyone took a sign of the covenant: a wrist band and wear it after you make a covenant with God to follow Him. Throughout the worship song, I was struggle and didn’t want to really put the band onto my wrist, but just holding it while praying to the Lord... I felt I will mess up and break the covenant again and I know I probably will….I also feel very guilty because even Gods gave me so much healing grace, and show me how much He loves me.. I still can’t love Him back. During this year of jobless time, I thought I was at the dead-end place of my life... But this altar call showed I still have reservation and much unwillingness in my life. Then a thought came to me as if saying…even God knows I may fall and even such struggle and real and difficult and indeed by your alone it’s impossible, but there is grace. God’s grace will be sufficient me to make such covenant and keep such covenant. So then realize it is really the grace of God in the end… God showed me even He shut off my career, my dreams, and give me much healings; my human start can be still hard and unable to commit to God. By myself there is nothing good in me that can please or even make a smallest sacrifice and make covenant with God. It is really the grace that gives me strength and courage to put on the wristband of God’s covenant.

Chinese Short Version: The actual 3 minute testimony script.

親愛的弟兄姊妹, 我的名字叫做David, 我要上來做一個醫治的見證, 神的恩典和醫治的見證. 特會第二天晚上. 在敬拜的時候, 我到前面去, 然後領詩的人說: 神的恩典是很豐富的. 屬靈醫治的恩膏流在會場你可以按在你想要被醫治的地方然後我那個時候就跟神說對我來說是很大的激勵, 因為我沒有工作已經一年之久了. 在屬世屬靈上都很窮迫. 所以當我聽到這句話的時候我心裡就跟神求對我在你裡面應該是富足不應該是貧窮的是的我要成為一個富足能給的人我要一個醫治的經歷去見證給別人我那時恨不得我有很多隻手來按因為我需要醫治的地方很多譬如全身的關節和我的頭痛立刻的我右手按在我十四年不停只要一醒就痛的頭痛的地方就明顯的沒有那麼痛了我就讚美神

但不只是這樣神還給我另一個醫治的經歷在七月七號的醫治室裡我本來覺得不需要再醫治以為前兩天的頭痛的醫治已經夠了但是我在幫別人排醫治室的隊伍之時我覺得自己也可以拿一個票給自己….試一試在醫治室裡我剛開始照著銀幕上的經節向神乎求我說因耶穌的鞭傷我已得醫治然後我又向神禱告說我是他所愛的新婦他絕對不忍心不允許我受這樣的苦他一定要來為我的疾病征戰於是我就開始哭得很厲害那時領會的弟兄對我坐的座位區說這裡有頭痛跟關節痛的人我知道主在說我因我從小關節就很容易受傷受傷後就很慢很難復原所以多年下來全身上下大多關節都不舒服不能轉到底我就哭得更厲害然後他又說有關節痛的人現在可以開始轉動你的脖子我就興奮地照招著做發覺我脖子可以轉到以前轉不到的地方我就讚美神哭得更厲害了雖然我知道神可以

且願意醫治我我多年來都向神求醫治可是我沒想到被醫治的時候卻是這麼驚奇感動的這是我這一次是生平第一次得醫治一口氣就得兩個而且都在不一樣的情況當中在不一樣的部位而且不一樣的訊息一次是神是對我說他的恩典是豐富的是夠我用的而且我可以在他的恩典中成為一個富足能給能見證的人另一次神來再度跟我講我是他所愛的新婦他會為我征戰他會救我

雖然這二處部份疼痛還沒有完全消除但我深信神已經醫治我了﹐我要在信心裡面一直到神完全的醫治成就在我身上. 每當我常常去感覺我的頭和脖子﹐ 更確認神在特會的醫治是真的我連剩下的痛都喜樂感謝因它成為神愛我記號提醒我是如何每刻這麼真實地活在恩典中

到了最後一天晚上立約的時候我對呼召沒有這麼大的反應我是看著大家上去我就跟上去了雖然我拿了手環但我卻掙扎不想戴上去因我知我雖承受這麼多的醫治的恩典在聚會中神讓我知道他很愛我但他那時顯明我還是不夠愛神我又因為我怕我沒有辦法維持這個約我覺得我也沒有立約的勇氣因為我以前全部立的約我都沒有持守但那時神跟我講你能立約需要我的恩典你能持守這個約更需要我的恩典不是看你能不能而是在乎我的恩典足夠你用得醫治本生不能使我立約但能使我碰到那立約的神並更認識神的恩典這恩典給我新的力量立約

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 22:25:00 GMT

I just experience physical healing for time in my life. I have just finish FRCC's conference in Milbrae. The meeting was awesome and I have recieved both decade+ long 24/7 pain in headache and in my neck joint. Praise the Lord. Lord truly tests and rewards those who have simple faith in Him. I have taste the exceeding grace of God! Only His God can keep me going and loving Him more..!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Mon, 28 May 2007 19:33:39 GMT

Home Sweet home finally. Thank God for many friends to lend a helping mein this move and many blessing and prayers in farewelling and welcoming I receive these days. I will enjoy one last fun week in LA this week.
It's very fun to drive a big cargovan btw. very commanding and powerful...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wed, 16 May 2007 17:33:40 GMT

Just pass my 3rd year anniversary in LA. So I finally decide to move back to Bay area after 9 months of searching for job. It's not sorta of triumphal return as I expected, rather it's going to be humble one. And yet I experience tremedous God's love/blessing/anointing in LA in this farewell period/process the last couple week from friends, church and relatives. This makes me to miss everything here in La a lot...Anyways, my path ahead is still very uncertain, and yet I know it will be another stage of lessons/trial for me. Good bye to my free independence life and time to face challenges at home with family and church..!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 01:35:49 GMT

Job 23: 8-17
"Behold, I go forward but He is not there,
And backward, but I cannot perceive Him,
When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him;
He turns on the right, I cannot see Him.
But He knows the way I take;
When He has tired me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His path;
I have kept His way and not turned aside.
I have not departed from the command o fHis lips;
I have treasured the words o fHis mouth more than my necessary food.
But He is unqiue and who can turn Him?
And what His soul desires, that He does.
For He performs what is appointed for me,
And many such decrees are with Him...
.. I am not silenced by the darkness,
Nor deep gloom which covers me!"

Monday, March 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 19:11:17 GMT

The unrelent quest for following Him
I have a very wonderful time with God in the recent month in term of seeking His will. I know God is not satisfy with 70% of surrender, but may be require of 95% of my willing to surrender... I will never know until I am tested at the moment of the surrenderence. But I know I have been able to say God I am willing to obey at whatever your call because I need to. But God is trying to push me forward to say I will obey because I want to. Various people pray/prophesize over me about that I need to move forward boldly, instead of stuck at the same page. I need to be like the good servants in Parable of the talent to boldly take risk in faith to invest myself to His kingdom..

All Heaven declares...
This weekend, I had a last minute opporutnity to go to Griffth Park Observatory in LA, it's one of most visited obeservatory in the world, not to mention some scenes in movies like Rocketeer and Terminator shot there. It was overwhelming and fun experience. Other than the usual "david-makes-fun-of-everything" photos, seeing the Hollywood sign nearby and seeing the best view of La, I gained a cosomic persepctive of things. What I saw in the heaven/nite sky is uncompare to the magnitude of all earthly views I had seen.. it's beyond all my national park experience. Wonder on earth and wonder on heaven all has its unqiue beauty and pleaseness to man, and all speaks well of its Creator. For the first time, I got to see saturn and its rings thru telescope, valleys and craters on the moon.. understanding the magnitude of the solar system, galaxy and universe.. and theory of bigbang thru the planetarium show. Even I know much from astromony class,books and discovery channel, but visiting the observatory makes my understanding soild and seeing some of stuff with my eyes somehow make my eyes wet.. Somehow deep inside of me, of human heart.. a longing for home, for eternity, for God is strong. Seeing the wonders beyond earth makes me feel very small in this big vast of known/observable universe, and yet I feel so very precious.

Then the next day, as I worship, the first song is from Ps103. which King David speaks of God's love in a context of His vast creational works. I was just soak in His mighty and yet precious love and I find myself just keep on singing the song and never jump to other songs.

Then during the church worship time, all the songs's content has wrods like heavens, universe... in them. Usually, I just sing them without pause and think about them. But that morning. man, I am just totally touches (using my imagination and what I saw in observatory), I was able to understand just a little bit more of what these songs/psalm mean.

God's testimony via creation is so real and so powerful, and yet sometimes it requires us to get out there and expereince it. Even though I may never get to do space travel, see the invention of warp starship.. but thru telescope and a bit of human imagination.. or just simple very clear dark nite sky, God can reveal glimpse insight of His creation and that will be enough to inspire us and amaze us enough to worship Him and know our perspective in Him. Even this creation. heaven and earth will fail away, but His word remain. By His word, all things created. How much it is important for us to seek/follow His will/word.!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 03:39:55 GMT

Decision. "All thing will pass away. only those who does the will of God last forever!"

We all made many decision in life.. To me the funny things is that for those decision I made in the Lord, even when I forget them or forget why I made them. God will recall them back for good of me. It's a way God encourage me to stand my old decision and to thank Him for all He has brought thru, and to tell me to keep on trusting Him in those decision and inviting me to make more new decision in Him.

Decision is originates from free-will when God created man. To me, I think free-will of man is greatest test God conduct.. He creates humanity to see if true love (follow with free-will) will ever exist. It's most risky thing God never put Himself into. Either to be loved or hated. To lead or to be rebellion against.

With such risk, God also put us human in such great trial. The only choice that's force upon us is putting us into this trial at the first place. To be born, and come into existence is not my choice. This life of choosing is not my choice. All the eternal consequence and rule of this game of choice is not my choice. Only until death, my right and burden to choice shall end.

Suddenly I feel very small in such eternity perspective. all my life and all that's happen around me, the good and bad, the happiness and sadness.. seems to make sense and seems to have some value and seems to be very tiny compare to choice I make in God and eternal will of God.

I believe very small decision I made in obedience and honor of God bring down/manifest/fulfill God's eternal purpose on Earth and God's will for me and around me bit by bit.

Once again, I look my life, never again in my life I facing such great degree of freedom to choice and option to choice from. And yet, I feel a greater sense of the burden to choice. (like spiderman: great power comes with great responsbility). With many choices, comes many chance to make wrong choice outside of God's will. Like the parable of the talents, God used to just give me fewer choice when I was younger. Things are a bit simpler and consequence/stake seems light. With little talent or choice, God requires little.

But now, I feel God bring me to higher level where I need to choice (not just the right vs wrong, but best vs better). I feel God all the roads/choices are open to me and there is nothing particular God-displeasing or bad about any choices I have. And yet (my cautious personality) wants to wait until the best one reveal.. For me to choose the good is easy. but choose the best is hard, takes more than ten times of effort and time.

I sometime have to contend with thought of pickyness, thought of just pick a good choice while keep on looking for the best one, or thought of fearing suffer and failure of a bad choice. All three thoughts I am struggling with daily... Lord, I can only pray in this situation... don't let any of these struggle depresses me or overtakes me in confusion and bitterness. Don't let them overwhelm or drain me... Let me keep on trusting You perfect good will and focus on making the right decision in You.

(pastor grace say in that book) first step to choice God's will, is to seek God's will. First setp to seek God's will is to welcome and be ready(willing to submit and obey immediate at all cost) for God's will. Which means all my concerns/thoughts must go, then I can be ready for accepting God's will when it comes.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 23:33:06 GMT

Being at home with parents aren't easy. The purpose of my trip back this time is to test the water out a bit more and see if I adjust back to the life here. **I was having a nice long talk with a good friend and I realize recovery from a relationship can be just as hard as breaking/ending a relationship. For a long while I have been a perfectionist, wanting God to lead me each step of my way perfect and giving me things I "deserve" in Him in the perfect ways and timings. Then I realize there is different between faith and wishful thinking. Hardship and suffering and things didn't turn the way we plan are not what we tend to think of when we think of perfection. And yet overall life is full of imperfection more than anything else. I humbly admit to God my desire and my idea of pursuiting perfection, even perfection basis on God, is originated from my fear to accept or encounter reality. My hope of not wanting to go thru break up, not wanting to married late, not wanting to be jobless... all end up different. In fact, my prayer of asking God to give me nothing but perfectionism is such selfish naive prayer.. because if this is so, then I would never go thru suffering and hardship and all the valuable lesson and experience with God that comes with it. Besides the fear of suffer and pain, God also deal with my pride. Now, none of my plan (for house, for marriage, for career) exist anymore, there is nothing I can boast. God is stripping away my own idea of perfection. in fact, I think that is what He has been doing thru out my life... and in an increasing measure. I may easily forgot the decisions I made in life and why. But I ask God don't let me forgot the decision I made in Him or with Him.. because at the end, it's my faith, not my imagination/ perfectionist ideal thinking that can keep me going.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 21:10:03 GMT

More thoughts about Onething Conference last weekend...

I don't know why I was so energetize by such conference..But compare to anything else, Onething conference this year just really overwhelm me. Somehow my heart was alive, almost I can hear its beating. I figure this is what happen when I am surround by mulititude of God desiring people.. I can sense people's desire and may be the anointing God's presence there. I also realize over time, my worship style and music-making are influenced by IHOP or even independently developed and yet found it very similar now. This also makes my heart glad and feel at home when I am able to worship freely in the enviroment which is at the optimal for my heart to worship. Too deep for me. I don't know which reasons exactly . I was able to highlites the conf into the following pts:

1) I thank God for familarity... I see how much I have grown in term of accepting /embracing new form of worship and spiritual pursuit.. and new ways to worship and desire Him. this years. it serves as a good spiritual check point for me. I was not distract much by others' worship able to focus on Jesus more in worship and not others/env or how others see me

2) It's such greatthing to be touched by so many new faces, young, diverse cultured people who desire the Lord worshipping together

3) The message... Ihop speakers are awesome in able to teach and articulate their experience and strong biblical understanding of their experience well. They all very strong in the Word and able to preach from the Bible freely. I am hunger to see people who can do that... I desire to be like that.. to able to relate the Wordand Spirit together, back up with personal testimony and express thoroughly boldly out to the public. so far they are best teaching I have observed in term of this aspect. Very few who can do that... Many speakers/pastor can preach the Word, can give very practical/applicable sermon, can be very charismatic and powerful in word... but few can really preach in Truth(Word) and in Spirit. usually most people lack one area and strong in another... hard to find someone who strike a good balance and strong in both. I see Duarte and Wes able very obedient to God and very humble.. and yet very power in preaching and in spirit.. and one is only 38 another 29 yrs. old. they serves such great models to me.

For many years, I am seeking spiritual direction in term of learning charismatic stuffs... But I feel so far IHOP, FRCC and a bit of ROL groups has the answers or testimony/the way I look for. But none are perfect. and yet I see among the non-chinese group. IHOP is what I find the best in my pesonal opinion. They preach from their life... the life of much fasting and prayer and simple faith and absolute obedience to God.you can never go wrong with that!

4) Lastly I really want to share Wes Martin's message really touches me the most. He really is awesome speakers, fill with power and simplity and obedience. something is not often seen in a 29yrs old young man. In summary, two message I get to hear from him. First one is about Beattitude

Acts1:8 Speaks about the promise of power will be given to each of us to be His witness.

The key word here is Everyone is qualified for this. And the key word for us to do is the word "until".

In contending for power and fullness of God. many sign up, but only very few has follow thru until the impact is seen.

Then the speakers explain further what is meant to be His witness. Matt 5-7 the beattitude. He had time only go over first seveal beattitudes. 1) Poor in spirit: humiity. 2) mourning: a life of fasting. to cry out for God for revival (good quote: give up sinful habit is obedience, give up unsinful pleasure habit is fast) God convicts me right here that I shouldn't depise people who keep on pray when nothing happen and convicts me to fast+ pray much much more. 3) meekness (nothing be done thru self-ambition or hope for attention). This convicts me a lot: because I know I seek and hope for attention from others. A key practice: to do something to something exactly as what you would like them to do to you. Embrace loniness, esteem others better than self. (a word about all these disciplines: like physical muscle in our body, we need to keep on exercise them, in order to build them up over time. Meekness simply means to bring self down and to serve the team instead of yourself (this point convicts me again. because I feel I have be serve or want attention for myself when I was on Lydia's worship team more than serve for the team, particualrly in the way I sing..) 4) eye of mercy. practice example is the ministry of eye (how we look at others.. and way the attitude you see others) A gentle compassion look, not judgmental.

Ending of Beattitdue: God wants only nothing less than being perfect as He is perfect. So we must pursue 100% of God's perfection/reality. Anything less is a shame. So this give us reason never content and never quit. So we must cultivate, focus, get time, practice these lessons.

5) Second sermon is on Mark 10:33-35 adjustment in desiring greatness in God and trust Him in "unexpected" leadership. James and John who ask Jesus for greatness innoccently, at the end really recieve what Jesus promise them: one ended up being 1st martyer and one ended up being last remant exile of the 12.

Jesus not only invite us to desire greatness in Him, but God also will let us encounter disappointment when we need to be adjusted. Wes share his personal testimony here.At age of 25 and 29. people prophesize he will be encounter something great when he turn 30. (which is this april) just 4 months ago. he saw his twin baby girls pass away in days after born.For a long time, Wes thought that was it: having two twins or having two twins born without brains that God will heal them. But instead God leads Wes differently then everyone expected. God overwhelm him and his wife amazing overwhelming joy and grace and worship when babies dies. 2 Cor 4:15 God speaks to Wes to encourage him just to to keep on going with Jesus and keep on trusting Jesus no matter what. Wes deny his choice to fall for confusion or bitterness. (right here, such experience I can imagine for I too have some amazing grace experience in the past... and thru-out this half year, I have something succomb to confusion and bitterness and depression.. so I know this choice of faith... this sermon really related well to me this way..) To experience supernatural grace when situation is so bad is very precious. I had a similar situation once when I went thru a major serious heart-break 5 yrs ago... And yet life is what God give us to experience His grace. Desire for greatness is good (even initialize carry much our fleshly stuff with it), but more important is to trust God's leadership esp when it looks different from what we thought. Jesus is interested in producing in us somehting last for eternity.

Even Jesus led by leadership to Spirit to desert, to fast for 40 days. Instead of human wishes or ambition,the weigh of glory will cause impact and power on earth!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 05:54:52 GMT

I am back to Xanga! After a long holiday break in Bay area, energetized spiritually by FRCC's winter conference. Then head to east coast for a real wonderful vacation (check out: http://picasaweb.google.com.tw/davseye). Then I fall into a month struggle in depression and lazyiness. Finally I think I come out of it.. thru this weekend, namely the best weekend I have this year! Start by having my1st fasting this year on friday. (man, fasting is good and does got some wonderful effect in drawing to God..).

Then Sat, my god-sis Pak's wedding. Met so many good old Davis friends. Too bad the meal time and dancing time were too short. Not to mention I spend 1+hr to drive back to my home to pick up my precious camera in between the wedding and banquet. But it's a cute, concise and very socialized event. The cool thing is that I get to hangout with a bro whom I don't usually hangout with.. Thank God for single bro.

But best part of the weekend is this year's Onething (Ihop) conference. http://www.ihop.org/Group/Group.aspx?id=1000008176 Well, it's the first time I get dance by day and worship by nite. Witness a human wedding by day and worship and pre-rehearsal the Ultimate Wedding by nite. But the worship just so heart lifting and heart-satisifying! My heart just so fire up for the Lord .. seeing just hundreds of young people wept and shout before the Lord passionated, all crammed into a big warehouse. What's difference compare last year's is that the attendee increase more than 3 times and I love the new speaker Wes Martin, who for the first time came to CA. His message is very simple, powerful and inspirational. Ask me if you want to know the detail. Then rest of weekend is fill with bonding time with my church NLCC and good family catch up with my LA relatives over Chinese new year! They continually pray for my joblessness and encorage me! Praise God.

Some highlite pt I learn spiritually: 1) Glory of God consists of His passion(heart) and understanding (His plan/will). One is desire, another is revelation. 2) Acts1:8. He will "give power" to each of us... to be perfect and great (in Beattitude). To be humble (poor in spirit), To be meek (not attention/ambition for self)...etc. 3) Be faithful and steady, continue with God thru difficulty (Wes shares about lost of his twin babies this past Nov). Just keep on trust in His leadership no matter what happen! I know this doesn't sound much now as I wrote compare to the anointing and power I experience when I am there receive the message, but I know God is with me and I need to just keep on follow him. I will not let any depression/confusion/bitterness/fear come into my life as I continue seek His will for direction and for job. Something I will also do. I want to do more fast and make it a regular lifestyle. Wes say. Repent from sin and sinful habit is just obedience. But fasting is beyond that. Fasting is desiring Jesus more and don't want any of flesh to hinder that! I feel God is moving more among people in So cal.. and inmy life... to stir something that wasn't there before.. I also realize (by familarity of my last year's experience and more.) I have more able to recieve in the Spirit-filled/inviting meeting and I know such place I need to be, in order to be fire up and cry/pour out to God... It's not just relief to wept until no more tears during this weekend, but a change of heart to devote self to God again. That's power!The key is now just to keep the momentum going. nd I know the key is not look self or env, but single-sighted toward the Throne alone!

Extra: Got to check out this movie..http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809422949/info Amazing Grace. (it's about the story of true author of the hymn who used to be a slaver trader then converted...) If anyone who wants to see it with me in the SJ Bay area ( I will be back 2/23-3/4), let me know.